Robbie Kalinowski

Lead Guitar, Background Vocalist, Occasional Lead singer, but constant loud mouth.

Born on July 15, 1975 in Hillsborough, New Jersey. (The "Boro" is the Compton of New Jersey- well sort of)

So what's happening? What are you up to? Sweet. I am just added a few more things since I haven't had a paying job since March, I was running thin on excuses why my bio hasn't been updated. Ha ha. What do you want to know? Nothing? That's cool. I'm going to tell you anyway. That's just the kind of guy I am.

So let's start with music, since that's why you are are probably reading this. Like Jason, I am an O.G. member of the Fairlanes. That's right, I'm ol' school. So at this point, anyone who knows me is laughing. But that's because they know the truth! Speaking of old school - I love old school rap. Even though I've been told by people in the Netherlands that I am a horrible rapper, I have my own smoothed-out-style and I refuse to buy the hype that I can't rap! Most of you young kids probably don't even know half of my favorite bands, but you should! The Fat Boys, RUN DMC, Slick Rick, Heavy D, Cool Mo Dee, DJ Quik, Young MC, the Digital Underground, NWA, Public Enemy - man, that's the stuff that I listened to on the bus going to catholic school. Like I said, I grew up HARD, word to yo mutha! So you better watch your back! OK, actually I don't remember what I was listening to on the bus on the way to school, probably the cars, men at work and Cindy Lauper, but sometimes, when the time is right, I listen to all that old stuff now. See, Scott bought me NWA's 100 miles and runnin for my birthday about 3 years ago, and things ain't never been the same since. Seriously, that is the best music ever made. But really, Jason and Jeff (our original bass player) really exposed me to punk and alternative music, and suggested that I cut my rad mullet and started playing with them. BTW: I thought mullets were very cool for east coast lacrosse players in the early 90's! In a related note, mustaches were cool in the 70's.

I came to Boulder, Colorado in the Fall of 93 to start classes at CU - (the University of Colorado) and that's where I meet Jason, Jeff, and Scott (Alan) Weigel. I eventually "earned" a degree in Electrical Engineering and a minor in Economics. If you are a electronics sales person, please do not attempt to bullshit me! I really love Boulder, and Colorado for that matter, and that's why I still live here. I love to rock climb, hike, camp, mtn. bike, ski, snowboard, and all that stuff is very close here. Here are some pictures of a few of my favorite non-Fairlanes, non-illegal, non-sexual things to do. So what, that's like my 14th favorite activity? No really, rock climbing and Ski-mountaineering. The first, du, but the second is basically climbing up peaks and boarding down. This is Mount Neva, and it is about an hour drive and 3 hour hike from my house. The summit on the left is about 12, 700 feet tall. That's my old friend Aaron Payne on the way there, about 2 damn year ago. It's pretty steep - about 45 degrees - and I was pretty amped about going down it. Especially since I didn't bring my snowboard boots, just my hiking boots. Like I said before, word to yo mutha. I took this picture with my new camera. I like to take pictures. I still have never taken pictures of me having sex. I'm not sure why you needed to know that. Although while we are on the subject, I've been known to get naked when I'm drunk, so there is still hope to see me naked, ladies. This picture was taken on 100 speed slide film at f11 and 250. I always wanted to say that.

THE REAL IMPORTANT STUFF:

So, where was I? Oh yeah, my hobbies. The outdoor stuff. I like that. I will at the very least consider bailing on anything non-Fairlanes related to go rock climbing or snowboarding. Sorry ladies. Anyway, I love movies, especially low key comedies, independent films, and a little sci-fi. I think Dumb and Dumber is the funniest movie I've ever seen, although I've watched the Big Lebowski close to 50 times. If you don't like that movie, watch it again. If you've watched it 2 or more times, and still don't like it, then I am starting to not like you already. I originally wrote this thing 2 years ago, but I took the Aliens part out because even though it's probably the quintessential sci-fi movie, I'm not that into sci-fi anymore. A band that I like that you probably never heard of is: the Trash Can Sinatras, unless you already read Jason's bio, because it was Z who told me about them. My current favorite bands are the Smiths, Propagandi, Alkaline Trio, Knapsack, the Gamits and Sterotyperider. If you don't listen to them you really need to. I still think the Fairlanes need a shtick. I still drive my 85 Toyota 4Runner which has 195,000 miles on it and is just now starting to show signs of rust in a few places. That bugs me. I always do the NCAA basketball pool. It can be potentially very embarrassing to sit next to me at any CU basketball or football game if you don't appreciate over-use of profanity and constant clever heckling of players. I am a very poor speller - this resulted from me trying to "bullshit" my way through spelling class in the 6th grade. That has been my only unsuccessful bullshiting session to date. True, that statement may be controversial, but I bet that I could convince you otherwise. This web program has no spell check, so I had to triple check it by actually going through the same torture that you are going through right now by reading it myself. I think I got most of the errors out. I'll have to ask my mom. Her first job was at a publishing house and she did a Rex Reed book. I think he's a hack. I like to cook good food and I used to have a garden. Now that we are on tour so much I can't because it will die since I'm not hear to water it. I like hot and spicy food, and used to grow very hot peppers. I make the best ribs you ever had. I made these rock Cornish game hens for my mom's birthday that were covered with this bread dough I made. When they are done baking, you take them out of the oven and crack them open for your guests on their plates. (I'm old enough now to have "guests" over.) The steam comes out and smells great, and they are very juicy and tender. I got picked up on by women 10 years older then me at the butchers when I tried to explain how I was going to cook the hens. That was pretty creepy. Now I know how the girls I hit on must feel like. I'm the #1 grandchild in my family - even though I have a tattoo. That tattoo is the first and to my knowledge, the only Fairlanes tat. I got some more cooking tips when we were in Italy from Lucca of the Stinking Polecats. If you meet him, you'll know he likes to eat. We both slammed a 32 oz (ok it was a liter) glass of beer at the same time and tied. You can't tell my dad, me, or my brother apart on the phone. I no longer have a working tape deck. I do have some pretty sweet tapes though. My car stereo is "lacking in the 125 Hz range" according to Jeff Merkel. My ex-girlfriends have been very athletic and good looking, and I'd like to keep that trend going. Actually, I'm not sure how much of a trend it is, maybe more like a streak. Of one... I wonder which one thinks I'm talking about her. Unlike Scott and Andy, I haven't crashed the RV into anything yet. YET. I'm pretty anal about how to load the dishwasher, although this new set of plates I bought is really giving me a hard time. They keep falling over and don't stand up straight. Luckily, there are only four of each, so they don't take up that much room. Whew! I have a friend from New Jersey nicknamed "the Italian Italian". His last name is Mancino and his uncle's name is Vito. I have a hard time not talking or not telling stories, which usually take a long time to tell since I keep starting new ones before I finish the old ones. I used to remember to finish the old ones first. I never can take good care of my CD's, but I just bought a CD holder, and I'm doing pretty well now. Although sometimes I don't actually put them into the protective holding part, just throw them in and close the zipper. I guess I have to work on that. Word to your mutha. SNL is getting good again. I wrote that about 2 years ago, and I have no idea how good it is now. I haven't had cable since June, 2001. I got a coupon for free cable now so I'm gonna get it. I really wonder what the hell all the attractive single girls my age do all the time. Oh yeah, they are getting married. Settling down. That means you settle. What a bunch of suckers. I've also been told that the girl of my dreams might not want to marry me because I have a tattoo. That sure makes alot of sense. When I get old, I will be like Krammer. My dad is kinda like him - in only the good ways of course - so I've got that going for me. I have yet to put a halfway decent photo album together, although I have a million pictures and have bought some holders. I'll never go poor from having to buy new combs. The only thing worth watching on TV are the Simpsons, Seinfeld, News Radio, and College Basketball/Football. Are any of those shows even on anymore? I don't wear corrective glasses. I was born and raised in the CPT... of New Jersey. I'm 6 feet tall. My friends think that I could easily put on about 50 lbs. because I like to eat so much, and once offered me 50 bucks if I did it. I considered taking them up on the offer, and still do from time to time, especially when on tour. My left foot is alot bigger then my right one. Jeff's mom, my cousins, my mom and my grandmother all think I look like I lost some weight. That again, was written 2 years ago. Then I went on tour, and they said I looked like I gained a bit. I fluctuate about 10 to 15 lbs. or so from tour to non-tour weight depending on the free drink and food situation. That situation is very good in Europe. I get all worked up when people from Denver (or worse yet, Thorton) claim that my house is in the middle of nowhere. It's 10 minutes from Boulder, you fuckers! I don't think you can complain that people go too slow in the fast lane if you don't move to the slow lane when someone is driving 2 feet from your rear bumper, honking and flashing their lights at you. I don't think I'll ever see the Kincks win the title, but I don't care anymore cause all my favorite players are gone. I saw Tiger Woods in person. I also saw 3 dead people while skiing 4 years ago. Hey you Texas skiers: that's a message for you! My grandmother is 91 years old. Word to my grandmutha. I'm pretty good at ping pong, but suck at pool ad fuss ball. I was hit by a car while riding my bike when I was a kid, and broke a bone on my pinky finger in my left hand. I blame every guitar mistake on that accident. OK, almost everyone... Sometimes I'm just drunk. I don't own very many movies. I just bought a DVD player and currently own three titles: the Matrix, Dumb and Dumber, and When Harry met Sally. I thought I was getting Sleepless in Seatle, because in the movie the Cable Guy, it works. Harry met Sally isn't too bad though, and I think it will do the trick anyway. I also have Casino and Carlito's Way in a 2-pack that I haven't opened and am considering returning. Speaking of Sally, I hated it when Virgil used to call me that. I don't own a VCR. Strawberries are my favorite fruit. I also really like the small oranges that are sweet, have no pits and peal easily. I am a morning shower person. I have too many magazine subscriptions.